August 10, 2004

Chronicles of Ah Kaw

7am Wakes up, check if cock still down there, brush teeth, face and bathe
7.25am Reverses car out of porch...dang!...knocks over neighbour's irritating dog who crept over into your house to sleep after banging several bitches last night.
7.38am Finally hit the highway eventhough house is mere 150m away from it.
7.42am Curses at blur driver who had just left 'fengtau' disco at 7am
7.43am Blur driver got angry and gave chase but unfortunately his car skidded and got wrapped around lamp post. Car broke into 2 pieces because of shoddy welding work done by Ah Lam Workshop near Puchong. Driver nowhere to be seen, presummably thrown into the nearby monsoon drain.
8.16am Reached favourite mamak stall and ordered the usual teh tarik halia and roti tisu. Couldn't give a damm about the cleanliness around the stall eventhough situated next to a monsoon drain clogged with corpses from last night's murder spree.
8.48am Reached office but not before witnessing the drama of that voluptous bitch, who you wished you can shag before she drops dead from drug overdose, whose fake LV handbag was snatched by 2 black bean on a modified kapchai. You laughed as her fat ass was dragged along with the handbag for a mere 15m causing damage to the sidewalk's grass.
9.02am Starts work at your pathetic little cubicle tapping God knows what on the bluetooth keyboard while the head honcho 10 floor above you embezzles more company fund to buy that condo unit at Sri Hartamas for his mistress. You realised you're fucked when the smartass besides you with an agriculture degree from goddamm Little John University at goddamm somewhere in mid-west U.S of A comes marching into his cubicle with a RM399 Kenneth Cole shirt, key to his new BMW 318i and a smug smile while you're still struggling with your goddamm accounting degree from goddamm MOnash University in Australia, wearing a RM39.90 John Master shirt and key to your old junk Iswara 1.5i (istimewa).
10.47am Went over to the pantry, made yourself a 3-in-1 coffee from Aik Cheong while some of your smartass colleagues sat around munching muffins and drinking their latte from Starbucks.
11.35am Summoned to your manager's room which is so much bigger than your own bedroom, complete with heat reflective shades and that view of KLCC. He gave you instructions on how to make more money for the company through this ingenious scheme, which would not only reward the company but also himself so that he could pay off the remaining 3 months of the loan for his Bandar Utama house and also some for his sexy secretary whom you didn't realise was under his desk giving him a much needed blowjob because his fat wife at home refuses to perform such act.
12.57pm You took the elevator to the 5th floor cafetaria thinking about whether to have Ah Soh's curry noodle or makcik's nasi padang while your so called colleagues were debating about the authenticity of that new Italian restaurant across town and that they should go 'light' this afternoon by having lunch at Chinoz.
4.47pm Summoned again to the manager's room who demanded you put in an extra hour or two today so that you can can finish his work and he can go home to his lovely family and have dinner before going out again later that night to Vegas Nightclub where he would snog those lovely GROs, take drugs and get high.

to be continued...

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